


Beautiful

by Oikawa_Fanclub



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Haikyuu Angst Week, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, IwaOi Week, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28115463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oikawa_Fanclub/pseuds/Oikawa_Fanclub
Summary: It’s been 14 months since Oikawa had been admitted into the hospital, 14 months since he first collapsed and discovered his terminal illness that would slowly eat him alive.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75





	Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> For reference! This “~•~” does not mean significant amount of time has skipped!!! Everything flows until I specifically state in the story time has passed :)

“Don’t look at me like that,” Oikawa’s weak voice floats into the air, making Hajime flinch at the sudden sound. He hasn’t even realized he’s been staring. 

“Look at you like what? The trash you are?” Hajime hisses with a false venom, a smile faint on his lips. Oikawa’s eyes are scanning his face, a habit Oikawa has when he can’t quite read his best friend. Hajime blinks tiredly at the bed-ridden boy, going to little extent to hide his soft expression.

“Iwa-Channnnn~” Oikawa pouts. He then smiles, soft and genuine, and soon falls back into the comfortable silence they had before. 

It’s been 14 months since Oikawa had been admitted into the hospital, 14 months since he first collapsed and discovered his terminal illness that would slowly eat him alive. Hajime can’t help but visit him, worry consuming him every second he isn’t at Oikawa’s side. 

Because of this, he often sleeps at the hospital (on a cushioned chair to the right of Tooru’s bed that he uses so much the nurses call it the “Iwa-chair”), refusing to leave his best friend alone when he needs him most. Every few days, Makki and Matsun would come to gift Oikawa flowers and to make Hajime go home- and Hajime would always remember to bring milk bread upon his return. 

Or at least until the doctors told him Tooru couldn’t have it anymore.

“You know, I never wanted it to be like this.” Oikawa breaks their moment of silence again, but this time with a sharp and serious, albeit weak, voice.

“Be like what, Trashykawa? You taking up all of my time? Because you do that anyway.” Hajime retorts, crossing his arms with a smirk. He’s trying to avoid a conversation he knows is inevitable.

“I’m serious, Hajime.” 

Hajime sits up slightly in the chair, startled at the use of his first name. Oikawa only uses his first name when he’s completely serious, on the rare occasion he doesn’t want to joke around. His throat runs dry as he anticipates whatever is going to come out of Tooru’s mouth next.

“I’m sorry I have to leave you like this.” The words come out slow, hushed, but Hajime still hears them, and listens to each breath afterwards. “I never thought this would be it. That I’d go like this. I always felt so invincible my entire life, but how could I be so stupid.”

Tooru turns his head away and chuckles at that, and Hajime thinks back to the time when Tooru finally told him about his illness. Hajime had cried as soon as he was out of Tooru’s sight, the weight of possibly losing his best friend hitting him like a freight train. 

“You weren’t stupid, Tooru,” Hajime breathes, and Tooru looks up with pitiful red eyes. ‘Tooru’ had rarely ever fallen out of Hajime’s mouth, too.

“You are bright, and you know better than to think you were stupid when you simply, truly believed that you were invincible.”

A pause settles over the room, latching on to Hajime’s already tight lungs. He painfully waited for Tooru’s next words, scared of how his best friend might react. But all Tooru does is laugh- it’s rough, forced- but it uprooted Hajime’s former worries about where the conversation was going. 

“You know I’d always thought I’d die on the court.” Tooru’s eyes brighten slightly, and he looks up at Hajime. “When I thought about death, the only place I really wanted to die was near that damned net, with a ball to toss to my best ace.” He winks at Hajime, and a hot blush creeps up his neck and ears.

~•~

Oikawa Tooru has always been stupidly pretty. Huge puppy dog eyes with fudge brown irises fill his sockets and a long, slender nose sets them even. His hair curls softly around his face, swept in a natural side part that Hajime has always envied. His skin is clear and soft looking with perfectly placed shades of pink, like if you reach out to touch his cheek it would feel like a pillow. His jawline is sharp and his cheekbones potent, a Colgate white smile always seeming to claim his face. 

Maybe Hajime’s favorite feature, the one that only he knows about that not even one of his hundreds of fan girls know, is the faint freckles that sit on the bridge of his nose. They were more prominent when they were younger, fading away with time. Oikawa’d always been harassed about them and even after the bullies had stopped, he still felt overly self-conscious and often covered them in concealer (which Hajime has definitely teased him about more than once). Hajime adores these freckles, and the way Oikawa never wears makeup when they’re alone makes Hajime feel like they’re just for him.

Now, Tooru is still undeniably beautiful, but it’s clear to see he is not the man he once was before. His eyes have sunken in and his complexion has turned five shades too pale. His collarbone stuck out so much you’d think it’s outside his skin, and his bone strength is crumbling every day. Even his hair is deteriorating- thinning and falling- and Hajime vividly remembers his violent breakdown over “the only thing that still made me pretty”.

Tooru looks so different, but Hajime found comfort in his eyes, that are still big, round and chocolate. At least that would never change.

“Iwa-Chan, it’s rude to stare.” Oikawa says curiously, which snaps Hajime out of his trance for the second time that day.

“Sorry, I was just-“ he pauses, and then decides to take a gamble, “admiring you.”

“Admiring me?” Tooru scoffs, genuinely taken aback. “What, does Iwa-Chan still think I’m pretty, even when I’m downright ugly right now?” Tooru quips, and Hajime sighs.

“You’re not ugly right now. You never were. I don’t think you’re capable of doing that, no matter what.” 

Tooru’s curious eyes pierce him, as if searching for any pretty lies- but he should know better because one of the things he loves about Iwaizumi is his blunt, unapologetic truthfulness.

“Iwa-Chan, I’m blushing~” Tooru bats his eyelashes exaggeratedly which coaxes a laugh from Hajime. Tooru shifts uncomfortably, and frowns. A moment passes, and Tooru speaks up again. 

“I’m so weak. I have so many regrets.”

Weak? “Oikawa, you’re anything but.”

“Remember Tobio-Chan? I almost hit him! I wasn’t strong enough to bottle up my emotions, and I almost hit a child!” 

Hajime shut up at that. He knows Oikawa was having a bad panic attack, but it still hurt to see the sweet boy he knew turn hostile towards his kouhai.

“I feel bad about it every day. My pride wouldn’t let me apologize, and now I can’t. Because I’m weak.” Hajime opens his mouth to speak but Oikawa beat him to it.

“I started a rivalry with someone so annoyingly pleasant just so I could see him pissed off! I worked so much because I wanted to prove so bad that hard work beats talent and still! After everything, Ushiwaka won just because he is. Tobio won just because he is.” 

Hajime quickly realizes that Tooru is sniffling, and Hajime grabs his boney hand gently and the other hand soothingly carded through Tooru’s hair.

“Shhh, Oikawa, breath for me please.” Hajime thinks carefully about his next words. “I know that you think you are weak because of these things, and I know almost slapping a child isn’t the most honorable thing to do, but you are seriously the strongest person that I know. You worked your ass off and made an okay volleyball team one of the best in the prefecture. You dedicated your time to something, loved it something fierce, and you were incredible. Still are. That’s nothing to be sneezed at, it’s an amazing feat that only one determined idiot named Oikawa Tooru could pull off.”

Oikawa’s eyes sparkle, the meaning of Hajime’s words lighting fireworks inside him. Even if it were for just a few minutes, he suddenly felt invincible again. 

Oikawa weakly tugs on Hajime’s hand in appreciation, lifts it as much as his body would let him, and leans down to kiss it.

“Tooru, don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.” Hajime badly hides the rise in his voice, flustered at Oikawa’s sudden gesture. Oikawa winks at him and nods. Oikawa’s throat hurts when he talks too much, especially after crying, so he has to go mute to save his throat from pain. 

Hajime has gotten used to the sudden silence in their conversation- Tooru usually just turns on the tv then so they wouldn’t be devoid of something to do. He took advantage of Oikawa’s current focus on the screen to truly look at him like he was trying to do the other times he got caught.

His best friend’s bones are sticking out more than ever now. Hajime has convinced himself the tube giving Tooru nutrients is the only thing keeping his bones from collapsing. What were once strong biceps are now just mere whispers of them, and his legs are now out of use. If he wants to go anywhere, it would have to be in a wheelchair. Hajime remembers how depressed Oikawa had been when he learned he couldn’t play volleyball anymore- four months after the diagnosis. He held it together for a few days- coming to practice and supervising the players- but seeing them so happy doing the one thing he wanted was too painful for him to stay. He started isolating himself, wrapped up in his own identity crisis. Who was Oikawa if not the volleyball obsessed setter? A huge, important, prideful part of him had been ripped away ruthlessly and he was left with nothing at all. It had slowly led to thoughts of suicide and self harm.

The scariest moment in Hajime’s life was seeing Tooru passed out on the bathroom floor, wrists bleeding, blood and pills decorating the tile. 

That was the day Tooru had been admitted into the hospital to stay permantly, and given a personal therapist. That was also the day Hajime decided to start sleeping at the hospital.

~•~

Hajime starts to doze off in his chair, stress and worry has drained his body and the sleepiness quickly caught up with him. As he relaxes in the chair, he feels a cold hand gently touch his wrist. He looks up at Oikawa, who’s smiling wide. He tilts his head to ask “what’s up?” and Oikawa nods his head at the door. Hajime follows his head nod to the door with a rectangular glass window, and through it he could see multiple shit eating grins and light blue jackets.

The Seijoh boys came once a week to show support to their captain, to tell them about practice and how “stand in” Captain and Vice Captain (Matsukawa and Hanamaki respectively) are treating them. (Hajime had left the team too, too worried and grief stricken to play volleyball- much to Oikawa’s protest.) Even Mad Dog came, and though he always blames his presence on Yahaba’s persistence, everyone knew differently. 

Iwaizumi sighs and opens the door as the large group of high school boys flood in.

“Hiya Captain! How’s it going?” Watari pipes up, bowing slightly to his Senpai. Oikawa beams at him, and energetically gabs a thumbs up his way. Whenever the team comes around he becomes 10x more lively, because he did genuinely love his team like his own family. They brought out the best in him, like he did them. (And never would Tooru admit it, but Iwaizumi knew that Watari was Oikawa’s favorite kohai- his soft spot for the former setter turned libero shining through.)

Iwa had already told them about the throat problem, so Seijoh wasn’t surprised when their captain didn’t “yahoo!” at them. His smile is more than enough to compensate.

Oikawa switches his attention back and forth around him, as everyone talks about practice or school, or anything else going on. Oikawa always listens intently, always nodding and comforting them like he deeply understood what was going on. That’s the affect he has on people- they feel like they could trust him because he has such a comforting presence.

As the second and first years hover around his bed, Makki and Matsun slide out of the group to stand next to Iwa, who’s silently watching 7 feet away in a corner of the room.

“Dude, you look like shit.” Matsun deadpans, and Makki snickers.

“Try living in a hospital and sleeping on a chair, and then talk to me about how shit I look.” Iwa growls at them, pseudo-annoyed. 

“Your mom wants you to come home tomorrow,” Makki announces. “We’ll pick you up at the usual time.” Iwa nods. It was a miracle his mom even let him stay here, so he made sure to do anything she asked to insure he could stay with Oikawa.

Makki glances up to make sure Oikawa wasn’t looking at them, then puts a solemn hand on Iwa’s shoulder and he sighs. Iwa knows where this conversation is going.

“I’m worried about him. Like, really worried.” 

Hajime nodded, eyes trained on the ground. “I know. I am too. I see the life draining from him everyday.” Iwaizumi clenched his fists, digging in his fingernails to keep from crying.

“He’s our best friend... I don’t know...” Matsun’s breath hitches- and he looks up at the dark haired boy, to see his lip quiver. In all his years of knowing him, he had only seen Matsun cry twice. Iwa is now closer than he ever wanted to seeing Matsun’s tears for a third time. He makes sure Oikawa isn’t looking and hits him in the shoulder. 

“Don’t cry now, dumbass.” He scolds, even though he almost cried too.

“It’s just- he looks horrible! I really don’t know if I can see him like this. It really hurts.” 

“I know, Matsun. It hurts me too.” 

“God man, this must be hard on you,” Makki speaks lightly, patting Iwaizumi’s back. “Especially since you’re madly in love with him.”

In love? “Makki, quit it.”

“I’m serious dude. You’re so far gone you ditched your life to be at his side. Don’t pretend we don’t see the way you look at him, and vise versa.” 

Hajime scoffs, and turns his head. Love? He had just discovered he was queer in his 1st year of high school. He started thinking of his best friend differently in 2nd year. Now a 3rd year, he knows he likes Oikawa- definitely has a crush on him- but he never recognized it as love. Maybe someday, it could be, but thinking about how he doesn’t even have time to fall in love with Oikawa pains him too much.

“God, I know. But I’m so scared Makki. I can’t give my heart to someone who’s going to-“ Iwaizumi chokes and buries his face into Matsun’s shoulder. He refuses to speak it because that would make this all too real.

“I hate to say it,” Matsun runs his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair, words shaky but calm, “but I think you already have.” 

Oikawa looks behind a chatty Kindaichi to see Iwa’s face in Matsun’s shoulder and Makki’s arms around him. His eyes meet Matsun’s and his face falters, for just a moment, and then he turns his full attention back to his kohai.

~•~

The Seijoh boys leave as grandly as the entered, goodbyes filling up the entire room with sounds. Oikawa waves at each and mouths their names, and Kunimi even gives him a little peace sign that Tooru is more than happy to receive.

Iwa closes the door, but 5 seconds later, Watari and Yahaba appear in the window making silly faces at their captain. Oikawa giggles and the boys scurry away from the door. 

Oikawa’s large smile shrinks into a thin line of exhaustion. He’s always tired at the end of a team visit because he tries to seem as lively as he can manage, so that they leave with reassurance that their captain is okay. Never let it be said that Oikawa is not an amazing, loving Captain.

Iwa smiles at him, dropping back into his chair. “You’re incredible, you know that?” 

Oikawa just nods half lidded, and promptly falls asleep. Iwa chuckles and does the same, relaxing back into his chair. 

~•~

“Lazykawa, get up, the nurses want to hook you up to some machines in other room,” Hajime urges his best friend while setting up Oikawa’s wheelchair. He glares at the lump in the bed and rolls his eyes. 3 hours after the Seijoh visit, Light sleeper Hajime woke up to the nurse, but Tooru always slept like a log.

“Come on Shittykawa! I don’t have all day!” (Which is a blatant lie because he practically lives at the hospital with nothing to do) 

Hajime rolls the wheelchair next to his bed and taps his foot impatiently. Oikawa’s always difficult to get up, especially when he has vital tests that day. 

Iwaizumi gives up on patience and throws the blankets off the bed but instead of an undignified yelp, Oikawa lays there, unmoving. Iwa froze. He watches Oikawa’s chest, realizing that it isn’t moving rhythmically. His face is ghostly white. He jerks his head up to the monitor, which he realizes hasn’t been beeping.

Everything around him stops. The walls start crumbling in. He doesn’t even hear himself scream before he hits the floor, unconscious.

~•~

When he wakes up, he’s in his chair, and a nurse is tidying up the patient empty room. He lives in two seconds of ignorant bliss, then suddenly everything that happened assaults his brain. His stomach sinks. “Where- where is he?” He croaks; a weak voice all he can manage. 

“Oh, Iwaizumi-kun! You’re awake!” Her smile is sickeningly sweet, and Hajime groans. That wasn’t his question. 

“Tooru is in the ICU after his health scare. He was in cardiac arrest and would have died if your scream hadn’t alerted the nurse outside your door.” Her smile is still plastered on as she turns away to keep dusting.

“Oh thank god.” He seems to breathe for the first time since he woke up, and stands to go find the ICU. 

~•~

“Iwa-Chan!” Tooru greets barley above a whisper. “I think I died.”

Iwaizumi laughs, but he didn’t know if it was because of what he said or the pure relief of seeing Oikawa alive. 

He found the ICU but wasn’t allowed to be inside until they finished fully stabilizing Oikawa, which took about an hour. Hajime didn’t mind though. He was always willing to wait.

Oikawa-san was outside with him, along with Oikawa’s step dad and big sister, Meiko. They all looked terrible. Hajime probably didn’t look any better. He let them go and see Oikawa first, and then they left him in the care of Iwaizumi, thanking him multiple times for watching over their son when they couldn’t. 

~•~

“I called the team, they’re on their way.” Iwaizumi says casually. He grabs a metal chair from a corner of the room, sets it up near the bed, and sits. Oikawa’s smile fades away and his eyes darken.

“Hajime, why did you do that?” He hisses, even in his limited whisper voice. “I don’t want them seeing me like this. I don’t want them to be sad.” He looks around him to emphasize his state, the significantly larger abundance of machinery he is hooked up to a testament to his worsening condition.

“They deserved to know what happened though.” The words slip out his mouth with ease. If anyone deserves to know what happened to him, it’s his loyal teammates. 

Oikawa looks away, and Iwaizumi grabs his hand and squeezes it.

“You know, I saw you crying earlier, burying your head in Matsun’s shoulder.” Oikawa pouts a little, his puppy dog eyes sparking.

“What? Is the Oikawa Tooru jealous?” Iwa beams, and Oikawa slaps his hand. 

“Iwa-Chan, I was not jealous! I don’t get jealous.” Iwa scoffs and shrugs, letting the conversation die there. Iwa knows what Oikawa wants to ask, but he also knows Oikawa has the answer, too.

~•~

“Oikawa-Senpai!” A sobbing Kindachi bursts through the door, the rest of Seijoh right on his heels. 

“Are you okay?” A red eyed Yahaba squawks. He makes his way to Oikawa and reaches for his free hand gently. Watari stands behind him, holding Mad Dog’s arm- even KyoKen put his regular scowl aside for a worried face. Kindachi sobs into Kunimi’s back, Kunimi’s usually deadpan eyes wet with fear. Matsun is crying, face buried in a forlorn Makki’s hair as he clings to his waist. 

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Shigeru.” He jokes softly, squeezing Yahaba’s hand. Yahaba tries to smile, but the expression isn’t reaching his eyes.

“Thank you everybody for coming, though you really didn’t need to,” His strained his voice indicating that he can’t really talk above a whisper. “I’m fi-“ 

He stops abruptly. It isn’t like him to lie to his team. 

“Of course we came, Oikawa-san.” Kunimi speaks, smiling softly. 

Before Oikawa can respond, another figure bursts through the door. 

“Oikawa-san!” The raven haired boy calls.

“Tobio-Chan?” 

Oikawa gapes at the boy infront of him, turning to look at Iwaizumi. 

Hajime smirks. “I made some other calls, too.”

“Kageyama you idiot! Slow down!” A voice rings from the hall and soon a fluffy orange haired kid comes through the door. 

“Dai Ou-sama?” His face drops suddenly, tone full of misbelief. 

“Hi, Chibi-Chan.” Oikawa smiles.

“I heard what happened,” Tobio says shyly, refusing to meet Oikawa’s eye. “I was worried.”

“Tobio-Chan, come here,” Oikawa beckons, and Tobio quietly moves towards Yahaba, who moves away so Tobio can be next to Oikawa. Oikawa grabs his hand and Kageyama flinches in surprise and meets his eyes. The sadness in Oikawa’s face is one Hajime has rarely ever seen before.

“I’m sorry. I was never a good senpai to you. I was selfish and simple minded. I wish I could have known how it affected you, especially after your grandfather. I’m simply impressed that you mimicked my serve just by watching me. I really do believe you will become one of the greatest setters in the world. You’re so talented, and I wish I could be around to see you grow further.”

Hajime’s face falters at that sentence, the finality of his last sentence hitting him a little too quickly. Even turned away from him Oikawa caught this, and squeezes Iwa’s hand in reassurance.

“I’m very proud to have you as my kohai, Tobio.” He finishes, smiling wide.

Kageyama is crying now, his cheeks red with embarrassment and adoration. 

“Thank you, senpai!” Kageyama bows deeply past his waist, his head inches away from Oikawa’s face. Oikawa giggles and leans forward, planting a soft kiss in Tobio’s hair. 

Kageyama straitens up, eyes wet and face tomato red.

“What about me, Oikawa-sama? Can I get a kiss?” Hinata’s face is now infront of Oikawa, bowing. 

“Of course, Shoyou!” Oikawa pecks his ridiculously bright hair. When Hinata straightens out, his eyes are glassy too.

“Tendou, come on, I’m sure he’s in this room.” A deep voice in his doorway, and Oikawa meets eyes with his fated rival. He groans instinctively and Hajime snickers.

“Oikawa-san.” Ushijima smiles at him. “How are you?”

“If you’re here to tell me to come to Shiratorizawa,” Oikawa grimaces, “then not very well.”

That earns a laugh from everyone, even Ushijima chuckles a bit. Flaming red hair is soon at Wakatoshi’s side, an elbow resting on his broad shoulders.

“Oh come on, Wakatoshi-kun isn’t that dense,” quips Tendou. 

“Mmm, I don’t know about that,” Hajime jokes lightly. A beat passes.

“I believe I owe you an apology,” Ushijima steps forward, the Sejioh members at Oikawa’s bed part like the Red Sea as he strides through, Tendou holding his hand behind him. “You would honestly not have fit in at Shiratorizawa, despite your amazing setting skills. I’ve learned that it’s not about the talent you have around you, it’s about the people.” He squeezed Tendou’s hand. “And I don’t think you would’ve been happy not being by Iwaizumi’s side. You two work great together. You can’t force a bond like that, it happens naturally. You would have never had that bond at Shiratorizawa. I deeply respect you for sticking with your decision and not regretting it like I accused you of.”

He bows, and Tendou follows suit.

“What he said.” Tendou quips again as he stands back up.

Oikawa smiles. “I accept your apology. You know, Ushiwaka-chan, if we weren’t rivals I truly believe we would be friends.”

“I don’t see why we can’t be now,” he says matter of faculty, like it’s the most obvious solution in the world. Oikawa snickers at that. Hajime can’t even believe what’s happening.

“One of the few times you’re right, Ushi-chan!” Oikawa beams, and any tension that was still in the room fizzes away. This is truly one of the funniest days in Hajime’s life. Ushiwaka is awkwardly chatting with Kunimi and KyoKen; Kindachi, Yahaba and Watari talking it up with Kageyama, Matsun and Makki teasing Hinata like they’ve been friends for years. Tendou, Oikawa and him had been engaging in a lively conversation. If only it was under different circumstances... 

Hajime shook the thought off and let himself enjoy the moment.

~•~

After two hours, everyone determines that it is best to let Oikawa get some rest. Everyone, including Hajime, stands facing Oikawa. Oikawa tilts his head nervously, not a single clue as to what is happening. 

Hajime smirks. “3, 2, 1-“

“Thank you Oikawa-San!!!” Every boy surrounding him bows towards him, shouting the words in unison like they would on the court.

Oikawa gasps in shock, and suddenly, all his composure breaks and he cries. He sobs, ugly and loud, but happy. The whole room can tell he is so surprisingly pleased. 

“You guys- I-“ he chokes, wincing, and points to his throat. The team nods while Kunimi explains to Tendou, Ushijima, Hinata and Kageyama that it hurt Oikawa to speak if he uses his voice too much.

“We’ll let you rest, senpai.” Kageyama bows again, and Hinata follows suit. They filter out the room saying goodbye one by one until the only ones left are KyoKen, Yahaba, and Iwaizumi. 

“I know I haven’t been the best Kohai, especially to you,” he mumbles, and Yahaba slaps his head to urge him to speak up. KyoKen scowls at him, but turns back to Oikawa and clears his throat. Oikawa giggles- it seems that only Iwaizumi and Yahaba can keep that kid under control.

“But I just wanted to thank you for giving me another chance on the volleyball team. I know I wasn’t the easiest to work with but I learned a lot from you, and I will be forever grateful.”

Oikawa smiles softly, nodding, and Kyoutani bows then blushes. Yahaba smiles and kisses the latter’s cheek. 

“We’ll see you later, Oikawa-San!” Yahaba chirps, KyoKen dragging him out by his hand, and closing the door behind them. 

“They’re a cute couple, aren’t they?” Iwaizumi asks as his eyes follow them out the room. Oikawa nods vigorously and squeezes his hand. Their fingers must have laced again somewhere in between the goodbyes. 

~•~

Iwaizumi swallows hard, a tell tale sign that he wants to say something important. For anyone else it would have gone over their head, but his best friend has known him too long for that to happen. Oikawa squeezes his hand again to remind Hajime that he’s here, whatever he needs.

Iwaizumi stares at him, and smiles softly. No better time than the present, right?

“Have you ever thought-“ he breathes nervously, closes his eyes, and goes for it. “have you ever thought if we could be like Yahaba and Kyoutani?”

Oikawa frowns, trying to speak words but the fiery pain reminding him why he shouldn’t. He flicks Iwaizumi lightly and points to his phone, on the mini desk on the other side of Oikawa’s bed. Iwa sighs and gets up to retrieve the phone. Well this has to be the most awkward confession ever.

He hands it to Oikawa and he starts to type, slower than his normal speed.  
———  
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: silly iwachan, waiting until i can’t talk to confess to me?  
———  
He looks at the ping on his phone and laughs. He definitely hadn’t planned for it to be like this.  
———  
𝐌𝐞: whoops. Should we drop it until tmr?

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: no no no I’ll forget tmr  
———  
A lie.  
———  
𝐌𝐞: Okay.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: so is my iwa really in love with me?  
———  
Iwaizumi flickers his eyes up to meet Oikawa’s. Even in a sickly state, Oikawa’s smile is charming.  
———  
𝐌𝐞: Love? I don’t know. But like? Definitely.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: how cute iwachan! i like you too!!!

𝐌𝐞: i kinda figured...

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: *gasp* so iwa isn’t a dense brute after all?

𝐌𝐞: Shut up shittykawa

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: iwa, how rude! i literally can’t even talk right now!  
———  
Iwaizumi laughs, earring a glare from Oikawa.  
———  
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: so. why didn’t you ever ask me out?

𝐌𝐞: I was scared.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: do you regret not doing it?

𝐌𝐞: every day.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: me too.  
———  
Iwa shuts off his phone. Matsun was right- it’s too late for him. He’s already given his heart to Oikawa, whether he recognizes it as love or not.

Oikawa looks up at him solemnly. Iwaizumi’s phone buzzes.  
———  
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: kiss me.  
———  
Iwaizumi almost drops his phone, and stares at Oikawa, who grins devilishly.  
———  
𝐌𝐞: Is that a challenge?

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: ...maybe

𝐌𝐞: You know I can’t say no to it then.  
———  
Before Oikawa even has a chance to touch his keypad, Iwaizumi’s lips are pressing gently but firm on his. Oikawa presses into the kiss as much as he can, Iwa’s hand light on the base of his neck. They part, noses touching, and Oikawa giggles silently. 

Oikawa pats the space next to him, beaming. Iwaizumi crawls into the bed, and carefully helps Oikawa snuggle into his side. He buries his face in Oikawa’s fluffy hair, as he’s done many times before, in this exact same position. In hindsight, it should have struck Hajime sooner that this isn’t what normal friends do- even on late night movie nights and sleepovers- but then again things like this were always so normal to them that Iwaizumi didn’t even think twice when Oikawa wanted to cuddle.

Oikawa props up his phone on his lap and types.  
———  
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: i’m so glad i have you Iwa-Chan.

𝐌𝐞: im so grateful for you too, Tooru. You are the greatest friend I will ever have.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: iwachan, your gunna make me cry  
———  
Hajime plants a kiss on Oikawa’s head and smiles into his hair.  
———  
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: who knew you were such a romantic?

𝐌𝐞: you forced me to watch your shitty romance movies, I picked up some tips

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: they weren’t shitty!!!  
———  
Oikawa puts down his phone and lets himself rest against Hajime. Just as Hajime is drifting asleep feels a shift and a few minutes later his phone buzzes.  
———  
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: if anything happens tonight  
———  
Iwaizumi frowns.  
———  
𝐌𝐞: nothing will happen tonight shithead

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: just in case

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚<𝟑: I love you, Hajime.  
———  
Oikawa looks up with glossy eyes. 

Maybe it’s because Iwaizumi’s tired. Maybe it’s because it’s Oikawa Tooru, his best friend who he’d shared his entire life with and never could’ve imagined he’d have to stop sharing it. It doesn’t matter either way- because before Iwaizumi knows it, he’s crying into Oikawa’s hair. Oikawa places soft kisses along his jawline as the tears kept coming and coming. Iwa finally allows the weight of his best friend’s state crash on him, crushing him beneath the heavy pieces of his own heart. Oikawa sobs too. And Iwa holds on to him as tightly as he can without breaking him. He knows Oikawa is scared. He can lose his life on any given day, constantly begging for his heart not to give out, and yet he smiles everyday trying to live life to the best of his abilities.

Oikawa Tooru is a fighter. Always has been, always will be. It’s what Hajime loves about him- he never gives up, even when he doesn’t have a choice. He finds a slither of comfort in knowing that Oikawa didn’t willingly lose this fight. 

Maybe Hajime can’t fully say he’s in love him, but he’s so certain that if he had the time he would be. If he had more time, he could say it proudly. 

Time is the enemy of love. 

Oikawa presses another kiss to his lips, wet with tears and saliva, impatiently waiting to get a response. Hajime almost chokes trying to laugh and cry at the same time. It’s just such an Oikawa thing to do.

Hajime decides to pretend that they have all the time in the world.

“I love you too, Tooru.”

~•~

When Hajime wakes up in the hospital bed, he knows instantly. He knows in the way his best friend’s chest refuses to rise. He knows in the way his long eyelashes rest gracefully against his cheek. He knows in the way his skin is stone cold and breath no longer tickling Hajime’s chin. He knows his Oikawa is gone.

Even in death, Tooru looks beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> ah thank you everyone for reading this!! I worked very hard on this lol, so I really hope you enjoyed!! (I mean as much as you can enjoy getting your heart ripped out) trust me, this hurt to write djhdhshs


End file.
